Rumble Roses XX
Posted April 16, 2006
Konami has taken its girl-on-girl PS2 fetish-wrestler Rumble Roses and 
given it a meager next-gen polish for the Xbox 360. Think WWE by way of Hustler: Rumble Roses XX has a dozen or so impossibly proportioned, half-naked women slapping, spanking, and slamming each other in the hopes of becoming the Rose of All Roses. There's no attempt at a story, and that's okay. I play a wrestling game to wrestle, not sit through a bunch of cinematics explaining why a big-breasted chick in a leather cat mask is trying to land the world title. The adolescent fantasy angle is the selling point, not the story and apparently not the gameplay either, which might explain why everyone on the gaming forums I read stopped talking about Rumble Roses XX after the novelty of posting cheesecake screenshots wore off.
Gameplay:
The controls are pretty much pick-up-and-play once you realize that the brawling is anchored around just two buttons -- one to punch-'n-kick and another to grab your opponent, with the actual action determined by the left thumbstick. The game isn't just offense, though; characters can block and, if they're lucky, trigger a reversal when their opponent closes in for the kill. The more a character uses a particular move, the stronger she gets. On one hand, sure, that makes sense...but on the other, that's kind of counter-intuitive for a video game since that'd seem to encourage the player to keep doing the same exact thing over and over. As it really only takes a few matches to see a wrestler's entire repertoire of moves and since the sixtieth fight really isn't any different from the first, the gameplay gets monotonous very quickly. The kicking/punching/throwing/pinning is livened up a little with some power moves. Each attack builds up a gauge that, when filled, can unleash one of several devastating moves. Taunts and certain attacks humiliate your opponent, incrementing a
second gauge that can deliver another crushing blow. Although there are those couple of gauges near the top of the screen, there's no health bar to show how close victory or defeat may be, but eventually you'll wear the other wrestler down enough to twist her into submission or pin her down for the three-second count.
The differences in the game's characters are immediately apparent when I'm the one at the helm. The lumbering, panther-like Evil Rose has a totally different feel than the light, swifter Aigle, f'r instance. The strange thing is that when I'm fighting against these characters rather than controlling them, those sorts of differences completely fade away. In a game like Dead or Alive 4, I could always count on one or two fighters to give me a particularly hard time, and they'd usually whip out a couple of moves that I'd quickly come to hate. That's not the case with Rumble Roses since every match feels awfully homogeneous when brawling against the computer. I felt like I'd seen everything there is to see after a couple of matches with each fighter, and the lightweight gameplay isn't compelling enough to make me want to suffer through 15-20 single matches with a couple dozen variations of fighters to unlock all of the characters, knock off the forty-someodd achievements, and stockpile enough money to buy a full set of swimsuits and fetish outfits. Although shopping for clothes or letting players even further overinflate their wrestlers' breasts is purely visual, some of the optional customization can have an impact on gameplay, such as fiddling with physical attribute sliders that can make players stronger or faster.
After the player selects a fighter, Rumble Roses XX drops her on a map with no hint at what to do, how to go about getting a title match, what the goals are, or...well, anything, really. To answer one of the questions the game doesn't, players have to wade through a lengthy series of single matches in order to land a title bout. How many? Against whom? Does the popularity meter that'll max out after a few fights affect when a title match takes place? Is there any sort of a ranking system working behind the scenes since there clearly isn't one that players can see? I have no idea. Keep playing, keep winning, and eventually you'll have a shot at the belt. The game also doesn't give any hints as you navigate around the map as to what kind of matches you can expect. You have to pick a venue (for single matches,
there are only three choices on the map), wait an agonizingly long time through a "loading..." card, and then hope you spot a single match on the other side. Saving is also cumbersomely mired in an overabundance of submenus. I understand that not every 360 console has a hard drive or memory card, but please don't make me click through five screens and confirm that...yes, I really, truly do want to save my game.
There are other gameplay modes aside from those single matches, although it would've been nice if they factored into the whole title bout routine since some of them are a welcome change of pace. Alternate takes on the traditional wrestling mode include tag matches, handicap bouts where one player has to duke it out alone against a tag team, and 3 and 4 way battle royales. "Street Fight", as you could probably guess from the name, veers away from the wrestling angle and plays more like an arcade fighter (only a lot worse) with health bars and timed rounds. The Queen's Match is similar to a standard bout, only the victor gets to humiliate the loser by tickling her, shoving her into a swimming pool, or something else I really couldn't care less about seeing.
I'd imagine online play would be more lively than squaring off against the computer, but even though I gave it a shot at what I'd think would be close to a peak hour -- 7 PM on a Sunday evening -- the game literally couldn't find anyone for me to play. Oh well. Aside from duking it out online, players can also doll their girls up and share photos on Xbox Live.
Graphics:
Most of the reviews and message board posts I've read -- even the most viciously critical ones -- have fawned over Rumble Roses' graphics. I really don't see it. Sure, the character models look decent enough: the girls aren't pretty, exactly, but as advertised, they have plenty of skin exposed and jiggle in all the right places. "Realistic" isn't exactly the word I'm reaching for, but the girls in Rumble Roses XX do look more like people than the porcelain dolls of Dead or Alive 4, and the visuals are bolstered by its characters' more natural-looking hair, visible muscle tone, and some subtle yet eye-catching details in their skin (the only things missing are the
implant scars).
There may have been even finer detail, but the graphics are somewhat obscured by a cheesecake, soft-focus look. There are only a handful of backdrops, none of which are particularly impressive, some clipping rears its head occasionally (more noticeably in the pre-fight intros than during the matches themselves), and some lines in the environments look jagged and aliased enough that Rumble Roses can't quite shake off its PS2 origins. I was floored by the pre-release screenshots but felt kind of underwhelmed when I actually had the game splashed across my TV.
Audio:
Kinda grating, really, with an annoying announcer who really likes rolling her "r"s, a repetitive, barely tolerable rap-rock soundtrack, and a very, very limited set of clumsy insults and wrestling banter. The technical end of things is fine -- it sounds great blasting through a decent home theater rig, with the front mains providing most of the action and the surrounds reserved pretty much entirely for crowd noise -- but the limited number of sounds and music can get old quickly.
Conclusion:
Hey, I'm no prude. I thought all the pre-release screenshots floating around online were hysterical and figured I might as well give Rumble Roses XX a look, but its gameplay is shallow, aimless, and repetitive, leaning on its adolescent fantasy visuals as a style-over-substance crutch.
Since you're reading this review online, you obviously have Internet access, so you're not exactly short on options if you're that desperate to see girl-on-girl action and enormous boobies. If you're determined to pull out some twenties just to be teased, a lap dance is a lot cheaper. Rumble Roses XX isn't some sort of unredeemably awful game that should be avoided at all costs, but you'll eke out what fun there is to be had with a couple hours of play. This gamer's opinion? Wait to see if a demo pops up on Xbox Live or rent it.
given it a meager next-gen polish for the Xbox 360. Think WWE by way of Hustler: Rumble Roses XX has a dozen or so impossibly proportioned, half-naked women slapping, spanking, and slamming each other in the hopes of becoming the Rose of All Roses. There's no attempt at a story, and that's okay. I play a wrestling game to wrestle, not sit through a bunch of cinematics explaining why a big-breasted chick in a leather cat mask is trying to land the world title. The adolescent fantasy angle is the selling point, not the story and apparently not the gameplay either, which might explain why everyone on the gaming forums I read stopped talking about Rumble Roses XX after the novelty of posting cheesecake screenshots wore off.Gameplay:
The controls are pretty much pick-up-and-play once you realize that the brawling is anchored around just two buttons -- one to punch-'n-kick and another to grab your opponent, with the actual action determined by the left thumbstick. The game isn't just offense, though; characters can block and, if they're lucky, trigger a reversal when their opponent closes in for the kill. The more a character uses a particular move, the stronger she gets. On one hand, sure, that makes sense...but on the other, that's kind of counter-intuitive for a video game since that'd seem to encourage the player to keep doing the same exact thing over and over. As it really only takes a few matches to see a wrestler's entire repertoire of moves and since the sixtieth fight really isn't any different from the first, the gameplay gets monotonous very quickly. The kicking/punching/throwing/pinning is livened up a little with some power moves. Each attack builds up a gauge that, when filled, can unleash one of several devastating moves. Taunts and certain attacks humiliate your opponent, incrementing a
second gauge that can deliver another crushing blow. Although there are those couple of gauges near the top of the screen, there's no health bar to show how close victory or defeat may be, but eventually you'll wear the other wrestler down enough to twist her into submission or pin her down for the three-second count.The differences in the game's characters are immediately apparent when I'm the one at the helm. The lumbering, panther-like Evil Rose has a totally different feel than the light, swifter Aigle, f'r instance. The strange thing is that when I'm fighting against these characters rather than controlling them, those sorts of differences completely fade away. In a game like Dead or Alive 4, I could always count on one or two fighters to give me a particularly hard time, and they'd usually whip out a couple of moves that I'd quickly come to hate. That's not the case with Rumble Roses since every match feels awfully homogeneous when brawling against the computer. I felt like I'd seen everything there is to see after a couple of matches with each fighter, and the lightweight gameplay isn't compelling enough to make me want to suffer through 15-20 single matches with a couple dozen variations of fighters to unlock all of the characters, knock off the forty-someodd achievements, and stockpile enough money to buy a full set of swimsuits and fetish outfits. Although shopping for clothes or letting players even further overinflate their wrestlers' breasts is purely visual, some of the optional customization can have an impact on gameplay, such as fiddling with physical attribute sliders that can make players stronger or faster.
After the player selects a fighter, Rumble Roses XX drops her on a map with no hint at what to do, how to go about getting a title match, what the goals are, or...well, anything, really. To answer one of the questions the game doesn't, players have to wade through a lengthy series of single matches in order to land a title bout. How many? Against whom? Does the popularity meter that'll max out after a few fights affect when a title match takes place? Is there any sort of a ranking system working behind the scenes since there clearly isn't one that players can see? I have no idea. Keep playing, keep winning, and eventually you'll have a shot at the belt. The game also doesn't give any hints as you navigate around the map as to what kind of matches you can expect. You have to pick a venue (for single matches,
there are only three choices on the map), wait an agonizingly long time through a "loading..." card, and then hope you spot a single match on the other side. Saving is also cumbersomely mired in an overabundance of submenus. I understand that not every 360 console has a hard drive or memory card, but please don't make me click through five screens and confirm that...yes, I really, truly do want to save my game.There are other gameplay modes aside from those single matches, although it would've been nice if they factored into the whole title bout routine since some of them are a welcome change of pace. Alternate takes on the traditional wrestling mode include tag matches, handicap bouts where one player has to duke it out alone against a tag team, and 3 and 4 way battle royales. "Street Fight", as you could probably guess from the name, veers away from the wrestling angle and plays more like an arcade fighter (only a lot worse) with health bars and timed rounds. The Queen's Match is similar to a standard bout, only the victor gets to humiliate the loser by tickling her, shoving her into a swimming pool, or something else I really couldn't care less about seeing.
I'd imagine online play would be more lively than squaring off against the computer, but even though I gave it a shot at what I'd think would be close to a peak hour -- 7 PM on a Sunday evening -- the game literally couldn't find anyone for me to play. Oh well. Aside from duking it out online, players can also doll their girls up and share photos on Xbox Live.
Graphics:
Most of the reviews and message board posts I've read -- even the most viciously critical ones -- have fawned over Rumble Roses' graphics. I really don't see it. Sure, the character models look decent enough: the girls aren't pretty, exactly, but as advertised, they have plenty of skin exposed and jiggle in all the right places. "Realistic" isn't exactly the word I'm reaching for, but the girls in Rumble Roses XX do look more like people than the porcelain dolls of Dead or Alive 4, and the visuals are bolstered by its characters' more natural-looking hair, visible muscle tone, and some subtle yet eye-catching details in their skin (the only things missing are the
implant scars).There may have been even finer detail, but the graphics are somewhat obscured by a cheesecake, soft-focus look. There are only a handful of backdrops, none of which are particularly impressive, some clipping rears its head occasionally (more noticeably in the pre-fight intros than during the matches themselves), and some lines in the environments look jagged and aliased enough that Rumble Roses can't quite shake off its PS2 origins. I was floored by the pre-release screenshots but felt kind of underwhelmed when I actually had the game splashed across my TV.
Audio:
Kinda grating, really, with an annoying announcer who really likes rolling her "r"s, a repetitive, barely tolerable rap-rock soundtrack, and a very, very limited set of clumsy insults and wrestling banter. The technical end of things is fine -- it sounds great blasting through a decent home theater rig, with the front mains providing most of the action and the surrounds reserved pretty much entirely for crowd noise -- but the limited number of sounds and music can get old quickly.
Conclusion:
Hey, I'm no prude. I thought all the pre-release screenshots floating around online were hysterical and figured I might as well give Rumble Roses XX a look, but its gameplay is shallow, aimless, and repetitive, leaning on its adolescent fantasy visuals as a style-over-substance crutch.
Since you're reading this review online, you obviously have Internet access, so you're not exactly short on options if you're that desperate to see girl-on-girl action and enormous boobies. If you're determined to pull out some twenties just to be teased, a lap dance is a lot cheaper. Rumble Roses XX isn't some sort of unredeemably awful game that should be avoided at all costs, but you'll eke out what fun there is to be had with a couple hours of play. This gamer's opinion? Wait to see if a demo pops up on Xbox Live or rent it.